This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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