Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
