we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
