i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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