what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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