I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
