Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
