Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
