3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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