I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
