So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
