Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
