you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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