wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
