plz talk dirty to me
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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