Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
