I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
