We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
