The maid of honor just puked.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
