Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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