You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
