i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
A+ Viking dick
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
