dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize