goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
