he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize