i just had sex bonerless
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
