honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
