He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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