I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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