Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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