Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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