my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Dear god my vagina.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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