i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
