How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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