You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize