she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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