Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
