I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
