He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
