I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
