the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
