Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
