I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
