apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
