ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
