I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
