I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
