mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
