When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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