new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i think i have two assholes
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
