I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
