I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
