you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
