Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
