i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
