you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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