"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
