Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
