I am spending my child support on dildos
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize