Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
