Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
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