he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
