I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
