She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
