I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
