You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
