Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize