i already hear my dad disowning me
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
