fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
