she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
