There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
