You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I need to sanitize my soul.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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