the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
