Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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