just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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