Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
