he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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