If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
