Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
wanna go halves on a baby?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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