Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
