i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
