every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
