We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
