I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
