He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
