I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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