I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
