best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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