dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
