He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
