So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
