i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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