I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
