I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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