Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
