Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
