I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The beer is more important than you right now.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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