so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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