Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
