WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
