i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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