He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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