Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I can't turn off my feet"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
