after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
