You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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