are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
