This is not my ceiling
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
