Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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