if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
