This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
