oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Bring me that man meat
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
