the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
