So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
