Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
