i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
