his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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