hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
