Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
